Yesterday I hosted my weekly Tuesday’s at 10pm on Facebook LIVE. For about 30 minutes each week, I answer 3 questions. One of which I make the main topic of discussion and cover it in detail. Each week my goal is to give helpful tools to help singles through their dating lives.
The question on the table this LIVE was “What am I doing to yield the best possible results in my dating life? If I were to answer that question back in the day, I would say I was doing absolutely everything I could to yield the best possible results. Hell honestly, I thought I was. I really did.
I remember growing up and basically my mom told me to make sure I graduated top of my high school class so that I could get accepted to the best college to then get married, find a job and have babies. Between college and marriage, there were years of dating training that I had NO CLUE about. My girlfriends kinda just figured it out for ourselves and went off what everyone else was doing. I was damn doomed from the jump. And of course, I didn’t even know that I didn’t KNOW. Nor that I needed to know. So what happened to me is probably the same thing that happened to most of us single lost souls- we had to learn it through lots of screwing up. I bombed royally too. Knowing what I know now, I made all the wrong mistakes on dates. I hated dating. As strong as I am, dating was probably the freaking most insecure weakest I have ever felt. Then there is this little loud monster that sat on my shoulder. Basically a baby midget version of myself that would not shut up. She was loud and just would not shut up. Shut up midget bitch on my shoulder…damn!!!! (sorry for cursing, hope I didn’t offend you) But she didn’t listen, she kept going on and on about how I was saying and doing everything wrong on the date. The nagging never stopped. From what I was wearing, my hair, shoes, to the perfume. It all made me hate dating more. The older I got and saw all my girlfriends getting married; the more I went out and no one new freaking talked to me outside of the restroom lady attendant or the valet, bartender or waiter; the more I crawled in a corner and declared that DATING & LIFE AS A SINGLE PERSON SUCKED BAD!!!!!!
I now know that EVERYTHING I was doing was wrong and why my actions did not yield the best possible results.
That’s one of the reasons I believe I am so passionate about helping singles now. I don’t want any one to ever experience what I went through. So happy that part of my life is over. With a LOT self evaluation, real life experiences and a dedication to improving and finding my positive self, I grew to love and embrace the totality of the dating process. And the midget, mini-me on my shoulder who nagged me constantly, Oh yeah, I KILLED THAT BITCH DEAD. LMAO!
Now, on to you. I’m about to give you a couple of tips on what I believe you should do to better position yourself to yield a better dating life.
First off…let’s start here…..what is dating?
Dating according to Wikipedia is a “stage” in a persons life where he or she is actively meeting people socially, possibly as friends or with the aim of each assessing the others suitability as a partner in a more committed intimate relationship or marriage.
You gotta know what you want before you asses if a person is suitable for you. Ask yourself the question and then write it down. Get 2 pieces of paper, write list one, your dream woman or man. List two, write down the characteristics of folks who make you happy. After both list are done, tear up list one. List two is what you should be looking for when dating.
You gotta get to your positive self ….. If you don’t believe you will find love, you will never find it. When the negative Debbie Downer self talk come up, turn it off.
You gotta make a commitment to yourself to go out 2 times per week to connect to people. No more to work then home day after day zombie shit.
Stop listening to other people’s wants. Own your list!
My Do’s and Don’ts on a DATE:
DO NOT: Over share information about yourself on a first date. Do not talk about your ex, politics, religion. Do not talk about your weird or slut girlfriend …..he or she will think birds of a feather flock together. Do not talk about your dysfunctional family or how hard business is and scared u are of the economy….. No negative shit.
DO: Smile, be open and engaging. Do have 3-5 to start the conversation going and to jump start the conversation if the conversation goes dead or flatlines.
DO: Get online….. There are 120 million adult singles in US…. 50-60 million singles are online at any given time of day… 1-3 marriages these days start with an online connection
Last But Not Least:
As a single person you should always be open and approachable ALL DAY EVERY DAY WHILE YOU ARE JUST OUT LIVING YOUR LIFE. Guy looks at you…..you think he is cute…give him 4 seconds of eye contact.
Finding love takes time, so have a long term mindset….you don’t want to just find a man, you want the right man…. You don’t just want to get married you want to stay married.
Dating is a numbers game… The more u date the more probable you are to meet someone you like
Don’t go out with single people ….. Too many girls together…. Guys hate it. Never will get approached with a bunch of girlfriends if a guy is not with a bunch a guy friends.
REMEMBER: Your attitude reflects your altitude. Being single is not going to kill you like being married is not going to heal you.
You have a comment or a question for Stacii Jae? Would love to hear from you.
About Stacii Jae
Dating & relationship expert, television personality and former on air jock at CBS Radio, V103. Author of ‘Date, Girl 143 Reasons Why I Believe Women Should Date Multiple Men’ and star of the new hit reality show on BET Network channel Centric, ‘From The Bottom Up’ and the creator of The Single Girls Club and Black Girls TV. Her monthly blog, The Single Girls Club Diaries and #AskStaciiJae is shared virally with single women all across the country.